It’s been two months since I’ve written. That’s a lie, I have written quite Abit over the past two months but I haven’t published any of the pieces I’ve written. Why? Well, for a few reasons…
1. I haven’t been able to finish my posts in the little time I get to actually sit down and write them. You know … kids
2. I’ve gone off on weird tangents because my head has been a little crazy with settling into living abroad again, going back to work and trying to juggle it all. Also, you know … kids.
3. I haven’t been happy with anything I’ve written because well, see point number 2.
4. I just haven’t had the time. Really, I commend working moms who do extra curricular activities. I’m a crappy multitasker.
I love writing. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do but as a serial procrastinator, I kept putting it off until I finally needed to do it. You see, writing can be, in itself, a form of therapy. You can be yourself through your writing. You can express how you really feel. You can put all your thoughts on to paper (or a screen, I guess) without having to filter them as much as you would orally.
I first began blogging when we moved to China in 2014. I opened up a secret blog and wrote about stuff that was bothering me. I was down and I needed an outlet. Writing was that outlet. I had a small following of people who wrote supportive comments and who generally agreed with my topics. If I even tried to find that blog, I couldn’t now. I don’t know the web address nor do I know the login details. I’m not sure I would like to revisit those blog posts anyway. They came from a person full sorrow and hurt. I was hurt about situations I felt I had no control over when really all I needed to do was walk away.
It wasn’t until I was almost due Leticia that I decided to make my writing heard. That’s when I made my Globebaby Blog and that’s when I began to share my story. Of course it was an extremely sporadic story because I was so caught up in the moment of having a tiny human in my life and I wanted to make the most of every single second with her.
Writing that first post was easy. Publishing it and sharing it was the difficult part. It was a humourous piece about pregnancy and the things you miss. You can read it here. It wasn’t deep or meaningful. It was just for fun but man, it was so intimidating posting it to Facebook. What were people going to think?
Oh, look at Lorraine thinking she’s the only one who’s ever been pregnant.
That’s exactly what I thought people were going to say. You know, maybe some people did. I don’t know and it’s none of my business if they did. I shared that post and people liked it. People related. People remembered those hardships and they responded to my story. I was so thrilled to have shared it in the end.
The next post I wrote was almost a year later. It wasn’t so funny. In fact it was quite the opposite. I was in a dark place, suffering from Post Natal Depression. Sharing that post was tough. I thought people would conclude that I was attention seeking. I wasn’t. I just needed to write. I needed to spread awareness on how so many women feel post baby. Actually, at the time I felt alone and was unaware myself about the number of women who suffer. I didn’t think for a second that my story would resonate with so many people. I received messages from people thanking me for sharing that story. They had been afraid to speak out. They felt ashamed. I’m not just speaking about mothers. People suffering with clinical depression contacted me too. I couldn’t believe the response. It was the last thing I expected. You can read that post here.
I remember when I lived in Australia, a friend and I were chatting while having our nails done one day and she mentioned how she would like to start a blog but she was too intimidated by how people would react to it. I felt the exact same. Coming from a small Irish village where everyone thinks they know everyone means you have to almost be careful with what you write.
What if you offend someone? What if Mary down the street thinks your post is about her?
Who cares? You’re not writing for Mary down the street. You’re writing for you. Feck Mary. (Mary down the street is totally gonna think this is about her now … I’m screwed!)
I think that was my biggest hurdle to get past when I decided to publish my blog. I was just so terrified of how people would react. I didn’t think for a minute that they would actually like my writing. I definitely didn’t think I would have any sort of following.
Let me tell you, writing a blog is not easy. A lot of time and energy goes into it. Unfortunately, like I’ve said, since going back to work, I haven’t had either of those things. It’s not as easy as it seems. I still deal with the fear publishing too. I think this fear exists no matter how established you are as a blogger. Pressing that “publish” button is scary. What if you’ve written something really offensive, or wrong? What if you missed something while editing and proofing? What if people hate it? There are so many “what ifs” but you bite the bullet, you hit that button and guess what? You surprise yourself.
No matter what you write, some one will relate to it. Someone somewhere. So my message to you is this:
If there’s something you want to do, something you’ve really wanted to do for a while, but the opinions of others is what’s holding you back, STOP!! Don’t let people control your life. You do you. Feck the haters. Ignore them. That’s what really bothers them.
Really, you do you because in the long run, you’ll benefit from it and you might even help someone somewhere. Thus, goal accomplished.