The moment I had my first baby, I felt ready to have another. After all, I had told my husband that I wanted 5 children and time was ticking if that was going to happen. I wasn’t getting any younger contrary to my own beliefs.
I held off for almost a year though until I started to nag my dear hubby about another baby. I didn’t want to leave too much of a gap between babies as it made me feel like they wouldn’t get along as well or that maybe the first baby might resent the second for coming and taking some of her attention away. The older she would be, the more left out she may feel. So the nagging began and he soon caved. We decided to stop using birth control but not actively try for a little while.
Our plan didn’t go quite accordingly as I fell pregnant almost instantly unlike the first baby which took 4 months of trying. We had just gotten back from a nice little family trip to Sri Lanka where I had been indulging in cocktails everyday because we had been pretty much without alcohol since moving to Kuwait; where we were living at the time. Our second day back in Kuwait we decided to order a delivery as we were still in holiday mode. The food came and I devoured the broccoli which was part of the dish. It was so delicious and I made my hubby aware of that. The moment I said it out loud, we both knew. I had been completely turned off broccoli since coming pregnant on our first daughter. Then I thought for a second and realised that my monthly was 2 days late. ‘Oh shit!’ were my husband’s exact words with a grin on his face. We both grinned, secretly thinking that we were wrong.
Off to the pharmacy we went to pick up a pregnancy test and back home to check. Sure enough, it was positive. Immediately, the cocktails from Sri Lanka showered me with a feeling of guilt. Had I harmed this little growing baby in my belly? Our first daughter was hanging around outside the bathroom while I waited for the result. When I opened the door and saw her, another shower of guilt came. How would she feel now that her mommy would soon need to divide her attention? Guilt, guilt, guilt. I burst out crying.
My husband was so confused. Looking at the woman he thought wanted another baby crying in the bathroom at a positive pregnancy test he asked, ‘are you not happy?’ I didn’t know how to feel. I was happy. I was sad. I felt guilty, so guilty.
Then the sickness kicked in not even 2 full days after discovering that our little family was growing. And wow!! Sickness!! It was completely different this time around. I was so weak and nauseous ALL. THE. TIME. I was also ravished with hunger but anytime food, my favourite foods, were put in front of me, my stomach would turn and I couldn’t eat. Que the guilt again – this time I thought, ‘how am I going to help this little helpless baby to grow big and strong in my tummy if I can’t eat?’ As the weeks passed, I waited for the 12 week mark to feel better. It came and it passed and guess what … I still didn’t feel better. Week 13 came and passed and still the same. Then on week 15, I woke up starving, got food, ate it and felt semi-good. Praise sweet little baby Jesus!
Now it was just a waiting game. Only 26 more weeks before we could meet our second little bundle of joy.